ruinedchildhood:

The cops never bothered me anyway.

(via anus)


electromoonbeam:

nextlevelgoogly:

poolfullofjello:

i-cant-believe-its-not-chicken:

i-cant-believe-its-not-chicken

Its decided my life goal is now to star in an infomercial 

How do white people survive?

Is she trying to clean up that wine with a copy of Sonic 2?

All about me

(via lotsofepithets)


gooftroopin:

me:

image

you:

image

(via azirabell)



butji:


Christianist Texas Republican Senator Dan Patrick accidentally praises gay marriage ruling 

so good

butji:

Christianist Texas Republican Senator Dan Patrick accidentally praises gay marriage ruling 

so good

(via thecumberbutt)


Smash Mouth vs Smash Mouth vs Smash Mouth
DJ Grumbles

thegrumbliestpuppy:

the mashup you didnt need

(via mithmeoi)


ukthewhitewolf:

agentbrompton:

pantheraj:

laughterkey:

adulthoodisokay:

fastcompany:

"It’s not dead. It’s resting."
Read More>

That is an ex-parrot.

He has ceased to be.

"He’s just pining for the fjords!"

"The Norwegian Blue prefers keepin’ on it’s back!"

I wish to register a complaint.

ukthewhitewolf:

agentbrompton:

pantheraj:

laughterkey:

adulthoodisokay:

fastcompany:

"It’s not dead. It’s resting."

Read More>

That is an ex-parrot.

He has ceased to be.

"He’s just pining for the fjords!"

"The Norwegian Blue prefers keepin’ on it’s back!"

I wish to register a complaint.

(via mithmeoi)


My visit to get screened for cancer:

Nurse: "Sorry your boyfriend couldn't wait for you in the waiting room, it makes women feel uncomfortable."
Me: "He wasn't my boyfriend and I don't see how it would make them uncomfortable, but that's my opinion. He was here for moral support. I understood, and so does he."
Nurse: "So he's your...."
Me: "Friend."
Nurse: (During the question asking) "How many sexual partners have you had?"
Me: "11."
Nurse: "How old were you when you first became sexually active?"
Me: "....Loaded question but....14, I guess."
Nurse: "You're sexually active, then."
Me: "Well....I guess...but..."
Nurse: "How many times have you been pregnant?"
Me: "Uh. 0."
Nurse: "O...kayy...-Checks 'condoms' as my preferred use of birth control-"
Me: "I don't use condoms. Or take birth control."
Nurse: "Then how do you avoid getting pregnant?"
Me: "With homosexuality."
Nurse:
Me:
Nurse:
Me: "I fuck girls."


waitinforthebus:

ring around the rosie

pocket full of

image

(via mrtwentington)



offthetumbldpath:

Galaxy Quest (1999)

(via impishtubist)